After my post yesterday I delivered Sale Bills for my brother-in-law. I had to laugh at myself because by the end of the day I had counted 5 complete strangers that randomly spoke to me in passing. Guess that proves the invisible thing wrong. So where do I go from here?
I have decided the best thing I can do is keep in mind that I am a child of God and His view of me is the most important. So now I have to work on being His first and foremost. I can do that easily away from here. I find that living here brings the worst out in me and makes me act differently. Partly due to my own attitude of not wanting to be here, and partly due to my family. I find it way to easy to fall back into old patterns when I am around them. When I do that I hate what I see in myself. I know better than to let them pull me into the craziness that is their lives. I also know that living here I am more on edge than when I am away from here and I hate that too.
I think my lesson here is I need to find peace within myself so that I can live anywhere and not let others affect who I am. My entire life I have worked to get my earthly fathers approval. I realize now that I will never get a "well done" from him. I will always get a "you could have done better." So now I have to let go of that, it's not going to be easy but with God all things are possible. It is time to put the old ghosts to bed, and be who God called me to be.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Something I Read
I read a book called Miss Invisable. Boy could I relate. It is about a girl who wears a plus size and how people ignor her because of it. For me it is not my size because even when I was smaller than I am now, I was overlooked all the time. I have to wonder what it is about me that makes me invisable. Is it the way I dress or my looks?
Maybe it's my personality. I am an observer I am not the kind of person who has to be in the spotlight. However when you can go to the same place once a week for over 2 years and see the same people and be able to walk out an hour and a half later and not have one person aknowledge you. One has to believe they are indeed invisable. Am I the only one this happens to? It would be interesting to know how many other people feel the same way.
Today I am going to try to see myself through the eyes of others and try to understand what it is they see. If I figure it out I will let you know.
Maybe it's my personality. I am an observer I am not the kind of person who has to be in the spotlight. However when you can go to the same place once a week for over 2 years and see the same people and be able to walk out an hour and a half later and not have one person aknowledge you. One has to believe they are indeed invisable. Am I the only one this happens to? It would be interesting to know how many other people feel the same way.
Today I am going to try to see myself through the eyes of others and try to understand what it is they see. If I figure it out I will let you know.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
The Worlds View
Why are people always worried about what others think? Isn't it more important what the Lord thinks and how He see us? I have gone through life one of those people on the outside looking in. I don't always like what I see. I over hear people talking about others making fun of their weight or how they are dressed.
My husband was in a fast food resturant the other day and a girl came in dressed in a way that was suitable to her beliefs. So she stood out from everyone else. One of the workers behind the counter loudly started making fun of her. The other one responded that what he said wasn't nice, and tried to quiet him. He however wouldn't take a hint. I told my husband it was a good thing I wasn't with him because I would have asked to talk to the manager about the young mans behavior. The young girl who was the subject of his rudeness kept walking with her head down and tried to ignor him.
I too have been the subject of other peoples ridicule and I know it is not fun being on the receiving end. Does it make them feel better about themselves when they run others down?
If it does then they have some big issues of their own. What has happened to a kind word in our society? From what I have seen they are few and far between.
It is due to the ridicule I have received in my life time that I have had a hard time being okay with who I am. I challenge us all myself included to be kind to one another. Even those who are different than we are.
My husband was in a fast food resturant the other day and a girl came in dressed in a way that was suitable to her beliefs. So she stood out from everyone else. One of the workers behind the counter loudly started making fun of her. The other one responded that what he said wasn't nice, and tried to quiet him. He however wouldn't take a hint. I told my husband it was a good thing I wasn't with him because I would have asked to talk to the manager about the young mans behavior. The young girl who was the subject of his rudeness kept walking with her head down and tried to ignor him.
I too have been the subject of other peoples ridicule and I know it is not fun being on the receiving end. Does it make them feel better about themselves when they run others down?
If it does then they have some big issues of their own. What has happened to a kind word in our society? From what I have seen they are few and far between.
It is due to the ridicule I have received in my life time that I have had a hard time being okay with who I am. I challenge us all myself included to be kind to one another. Even those who are different than we are.
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